I was thinking the other day about love languages, and how the way we are most gifted to display love is often the way we are also most talented at hurting.For instance, if words of affirmation are your thing, you know how to make things sound good. You also know just how to dig into another person and tear them apart with your words.
I was thinking about how spiritual gifts, or what we perceive to be a gift, can be disguised and turned around in ugly, ugly ways. Self seeking, prideful, and evil ways. All the while, you think you are just using your wonderful gift from your wonderful God and aren't you just wonderful?
So, I have always known I am a critical person. I know. I hate it about myself. Instead of truly repenting of it, though, I just reason it away. "It is good that I am critical. It makes me not gullible to false teaching, It gives me my own opinion, etc...blah blah blah" Disguising it as discernment, dressing up my crap.
Now, there are some times that it IS good to be critical. Outright false doctrine is not something my ears should take in as truth. But criticizing EVERY word someone says, as if I am looking for something to pick out as false, is NOT the way to be. It leaves me with a handful of pride, relying only on myself. Not trusting the community of believers around me. It's a lonely place to be.
Something has happened this week where I had to ask someone for advice, and I had to let someone inside my head who I had been keeping away without realizing it. I don't ask for advice. After all, I usually would think no one else could get it right.
Man, I sound like a very terrible person.
But, for the sake of honesty, I won't rewrite that and make myself sound better. Anyway, I asked for advice. I got great advice, and God totally blessed me through this person. I know we crossed paths for a reason, His reason, and I finally let go of my pride to ask for advice. Then I had to have a hard conversation with someone, one that was very, very hard, but needed and God blessed us through that, too. He showed me I can let people see my emotions, and I can ask Godly people for advice, and He will speak through them. Thank you, Jesus!
And today, I feel like I am new creation. Praise the Lord for transforming my mind every single day, to be more in tune with Him. I let go of the spirit of criticism that has filled me with so much pride (Rather, God took it out of my hands, because nothing in me could ever let that go). I will not be perfect, but I am praying for transformation, that my spirit of criticism will be one of encouragement instead. God is faithful, and He will do it. He is so good.